i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
