your thong is hanging out like whoa
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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