Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Drake has all the answers
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
