I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
