now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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