i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
