It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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