I hate your face
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
