yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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