the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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