so that wasnt chicken after all
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
