Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
