I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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