Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
