look no pants
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
