Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
