there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
