What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
