My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
