Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
