You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
