I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
