i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
