My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
