I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
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