Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
