and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
