Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
