found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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