I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
