I need to stop coming to work sober
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
