Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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