Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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