garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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