I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
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