It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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