I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
