I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Randomize
