You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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