Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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