I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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