"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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