Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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