apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
