Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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