guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
