I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
