You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
