Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You have to summon your inner elephant
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
