Please, let me fuck your mom
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
